Absorbed by God

Signing off. . .

2007-07-30T03:28:00.000-06:00

Well, I gave in. I am now moving myself over to Wordpress. Go over there and I will give the answer to "Why God, why?!!!"

Catch me at www.kristinedavis.wordpress.com

Love you!

The List of All Lists and Foolishness Thereafter

2007-07-26T06:00:00.000-06:00

I would just like to commence with a list of words that make me happy:

Ostensibly, pulchritude, obdurate, vicarious, lugubrious, mercenary, antidisestablishmentarianism, obstreperous, salacious, vituperative, loquacious, malapropism, facade, decorum, sentient, faux pas, vichyssoise, verbosity, nerdery, adjacent, excommunicate, posthaste, conundrum, query, penchant, plethora, neologism.

And to make me even more of a nerd, I will now commence with writing a story incorporating these words.

Ostensibly, the pulchritudinous maiden rose up in obdurate defiance, but she was really just living vicariously through the lugubrious mercenary (I mean, I would want to follow in the footsteps of a proponent of antidisestablishmentarianism!). Alas, the people did not care for an obstreperous outcry of a girl, no matter how exquisite, so salacious gossip ensued in a most vituperative manner. One particularly loquacious villager spoke in a malapropistic manner and called the young maiden deceptive, when really meaning to laud her for her perceptive speech.

The general facade of decorum these sentient people possessed was really a faux pas of populous proportions. There was no decorum to be had this vichyssoise of verbosity. But alas, if their long-windedness is taken away, all that you will find left is mere nerdery. However, a more concise feeling was had in the adjacent village.

Without disagreement, this village was of the mind to excommunicate the villianous mercenary and all his antidisestablishmentarianistic ways, posthaste! For this cad to lead astray such a pleasant and pleasing maiden was not only folly, but also a conundrum of fatalistic proportions! The query was set forth - if this evildoer with a penchant for leading young women astray could cause such an uproar among the populace, then - could there be a plethora of other ne'er-do-wells on the horizon?

There was only one thing to be done - a neologism was in order. So, in one accord, both the loquacious and concise villagers alike cried out, "Blurpoogleonyxickiicki him!"

A Pulchritudinous Commentary on Feelers and Thinkers

2007-07-26T05:41:00.000-06:00

Being a natural feeler, exploring the depths of my emotions comes relatively easy (except for the fact that I'm not a intuitive or thinking type personality, so it just takes me longer to understand where my emotions are coming from). But for those who are primarily thinkers, I know it must be incredibly hard to tap into their hearts rather than come at their emotions from a logical point of view.

And then there are the massive feelers who cannot think logically past the depth of emotions that they are feeling. It is to these that I offer my empathic sympathies. I understand with total clarity what it is to feel lost in a swirl of emotion and not know how to crawl out of the nebulous oblivion. I think the prophet Jeremiah must have been one such as these for him to be known as the "weeping prophet". Not to say that thinkers have no ability to weep, but feelers are just much more easily attuned to their emotions, therefore giving them a greater conduit in which the Lord can impress His emotions on in order to be the chief intercessor/prophet for a nation.

This is really kind of a random blog, but these are just thoughts pursuing me at this late hour.

To these deep feelers, I say don't be afraid to open up and ask the Lord to feel the emotions that He has for you and for others. But don't forget to climb up out of the swirl eventually and think about the practicals of life.

To the deep thinkers, I applaud your gifting and I say don't be afraid to reason with the Lord in a most Holy way and enjoy the logic that comes from your mind meeting His incomprehensability. But don't forget to climb up out of the swirl of your logical thought and flex your heart muscles through the communion of exploring the emotions of God.

There's a lot to be said for the meeting of mind and heart. If only the feelers could use their brain more, and if only the thinkers could use their heart more.

May we always strive (in a good way) to sharpen each other in our giftings. Both are God given, but both need each other so as to not become singularly focused on one or the other.

Suddenly I feel like a "Dear Abby" article in the newspaper, except without the question portion of the entry.

I hope these musings bless someone out there. . .

A Not So Lugubrious Composition of a Sesquipedalian Lover of People (I Defenestrated the Last One)

2007-07-24T17:49:00.000-06:00

So, I encountered something that I haven't really in two years. I woke up this morning realizing that I didn't have anthing to do today or anyone planned to hang out with, and. . . I was relieved! I've been in Kansas City for a little over 2 weeks now and I have had something to do and someone to see EVERY DAY, which I have absolutely loved, but this extrovert is TIRED!

I really can't complain, though. The last two years of my life have been two of the most lonely ones. I have not really been able to form a friendship base in Texas, and so, I would find myself spending incessant days, weeks, months with no one to be with, sitting alone in my apartment, not really connecting with Jesus, but feeding myself with movies and books and nonsensical conundrums (ok, not really nonsensical conundrums, but I just wanted to use "conundrum" in a sentence). Being in KC has been SOOOO REFRESHING because I have met so many people, and not just people - people who love Jesus and who know far more about the Bible than I ever had. I LOVE IT! Not just people who love Jesus, but JESUS! I've been able to spend much time with Him in and outside of the prayer room and it's been really wonderful.

The best part about being with people, though, has been spending an inordinate amount of time being with my love, Charity Ann Bates. She is so amazing. I love her. I wish I could be with her always, but this month of being here is such a gift to me of getting to see her every day, even though we may not be able to talk in great length. I just love seeing her.

Back to my original point. I've been so refreshed hanging out with so many wonderful people - Mary Beth, Emily, Katherine, Tiffany, Allison, Desirae, CJ, Jonathan, Kevin, Joshua, Jordan, Nathan, Becky, Danny, Molly, Katty, Natalie, Sarah, Victoria, and many others. OH MY GOSH! I know so many people now! I love it. It really makes me want to move back to KC, especially considering people keep asking me to, but I know, for now, that this is just a great month in my life. I do have to go back and be a Latin teacher at the Mansions by the Vineyard. :) At this moment, though, all this hanging out has worn me out! I'm enjoying being able to just sit and be. I think I might go read a book (about Jesus). :)

PS. If you seek a greater understanding of my title, you might peruse Charity's entry of "My Favorite Things".

Job Expansion

2007-07-18T23:29:00.000-06:00

So, my boss emailed me today and said he wants me to teach a world history class. I am now a Latin/Bible/History teacher. Can I stand the stress? :)

I Forgot to Title this Entry

2007-07-15T20:10:00.000-06:00

So, I think I might write a short blog this time. I know, it doesn't happen very often. I just had two quick thoughts I thought I'd share with no one in particular.

1. I decided to start rereading Knowledge of the Holy ( a Tozer tome - hee hee), a book I began in my IHOP internship way back when. So, one of the first chapters is Tozer's effort to explain God's incomprehensibility - quite a task in and of itself. The revelation I got out of it was how much I still don't know about God and how much I will never know God in this lifetime with this finite brain and this fallible body. Some would say that's depressing. I, however, am quite excited about this revelation because I now realize how much I am not able to know Him and how much I attribute earthly things as His attributes - which is actually idolatry. :) Hooray for shaking of fallacious understandings of God

2. On a more mundane note, I helped Charity's roommate edit her paper, something I absolutely love to do. I was not quite effective in my editing, though, because I kind of rewrote a lot of it instead of how you're really supposed to edit a paper. Anywhoo, I did get to write her conclusion paragraph for her, one of my favorite parts of a paper to write, so I thought I'd share it with you. It is as follows hence:

"Which effect on society should we be most concerned with, then? Is it of greater importance to stir ourselves up in indignation towards this genre of TV that is molding our children to revel in licentiousness and immorality, thereby raising them to be socially inept adults? Or should we glory in the slight benefit this genre brings to our world by promoting philanthropy and charitable acts? The answer to this conundrum lies in the discerning of reality TV’s greater emphasis: charity or immorality. I believe immorality far overshadows any humanitarianistic bent. Though there may be scant attempts to redeem reality televisions’ nature through a sprinkling of shows that display altruistic deeds and attempt to identify with human emotion, in reality, people are gradually being lured through this new genre of television into lives of licentious depravity."

OK, so this wasn't all that short, but I truly tried.

Transitions. . . uggh!

2007-07-10T01:03:00.000-06:00

I’m not really a huge fan of transitions. I know I’m in the middle of one. Even though – Jesus has been so kind to me in this season, and for that I am infinitely grateful. I just wish transitions were an easier event to sit through. June has brought a plentitude of decisions to make and open doors to new and potentially exciting places for me to go in God.

My most exciting open door is a new school to teach at that seems at the outset to have greater spiritual depth than the place that I’m at currently. The greatest joy is that the school is under the cover of spirit-filled leaders, something new in my limited experience. I don’t know of many schools that believes in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and actively pursue the leadership of Him.

The pretentious part of my new job is what I will be teaching – Latin. Do I know Latin? No. But am I gonna teach it? Yes. I just think it’s funny telling people that I’m a Latin teacher when I have no experience with the language other than speaking English which has its basis in Latin and my personal study of it this summer.

To add to the pretention, I have procured an apartment to move to which is in a complex called “The Mansions by the Vineyard”. So, I am now a Latin teacher that lives in a “mansion” next to a vineyard. Hilarious. The funnier part is that this complex is by no means mansion-esque. It’s a simple apartment that has a pretentious name. But, whatever. I am having to move because my new job is now in Dallas, not Fort Worth.

Another great addition to my life is a roommate. She is a girl from California who will be working for my mom at her school. So, since I have a roommate working in Fort Worth and me in Dallas, we are living in between in Colleyville. A little bit further to drive, but nonetheless appreciated because I am quite tired of living by myself.

Now, I have the glorious experience of being in Kansas City for a month. Glory. I am speechless in my gratitude of being here since it’s been almost two years since I’ve spent any amount of time in the prayer room. Since part of my reason for being here is to spend time with my friend, Charity, who is on the nightwatch, I am in yet another transition in adjusting my body clock to a night schedule. This shall be interesting, but I am full of desire for Jesus and to meet with Him in deeper ways.

So, in conclusion, transitions I hate, but I know they are for my greater good. Jesus has been so faithful to me in the past so many years, I cannot help but trust that I will be successful and alive in the midst of uncertainty and ambiguous circumstances.

Hooray.

Interview

2007-06-05T13:22:00.001-06:00

I just had an interview for a job yesterday, and I have to admit, I got a little messed up. Who would have thought a foray into interviewing so I can figure out what I want to do with my life next year would end up with me in tears. Yes, I cried during the interview (only a little - one kleenex).

I'm trying to find another place to teach next year in order to fulfill requirements for my state certification, so I decided to hike on over to Dallas since I am quickly growing tired of Ft. Worth. In preparation for this interview, I perused their web site and found in their statement of faith that they believe in the baptism of the Holy Spirit - heck yes. So, I was excited to speak to the principal about his theology.

Oh, my gosh, I loved this principal. He exuded gentleness and the way he has chosen to lead his family just makes me want to get adopted. I felt like the whole interview was me getting to talk about myself and Jesus. We didn't really talk a ton about my teaching capabilites, etc. . ., but I just thoroughly enjoyed myself. He asked me about my testimony and my beliefs about the Holy Spirit, and I found myself tearing up about it. But then, he got off on a tangent about something and was speaking about Jesus, and that's where I just teared up to the point that he asked me if I needed a kleenex. Professional? Not so much. Very Kristine? Yes, indeed.

Needless to say, I really want to work there. It might actually be the impetus I need to continue teaching. But if not, I know that I would completely dig working there, yo. Come Holy Spirit, come!!!!!!

PS - if you're a friend reading this, please pray this week that God will move things for me to be able to work there. Thanks!!!

Family

2007-05-30T10:40:00.000-06:00

The Setup:
So I was at my parent's houe this past weekend, basking in the glow of being done with work for another school year. On Saturday, all four of us, my brother, Brian, my parents, and I, sit down to partake of our repast -- when I was suddenly reminded of how dysfunctional we are. Now, granted, we're not any more dysfunctional than any other family, but there is definitely some function left to be wanting.

The Fight:
The gist of it consisted of my brother and I fighting (which I rarely have the nerve to do with him cause he's pretty viscious verbally) at the table. Then, in my inability to fight without letting my emotions reign, I accidentally let an expletive fly in my anger, and then my father comes into the picture and. . . I realized how many unresolved places of hurt I have in my heart. (Oh, p.s., guess what the fight was over between my brother and I - (hee, hee) A toilet -- riiiiiight). I know this is a very cursory overview of that day b/c there was a lot more to it than this, but out of love for my very dysfunctional family, I want to honor them and not air my laundry on the world wide web)

The Conclusion:
Anyway, I went away from that undesirable event with much self-analyzation (and the preponderance of how I could have ever been prideful in my youth considering every time I'm around my family I see just how much Jesus has left to deal with in me). I concluded that I'm still hurt and wounded inside. I have father-issues, something a vast amount of girls have.

Connection:
I was reading Molly's blog about the 40-day fast going on at the HOP, and it intrigued me -- mostly cause I love 40-day fasts, not just doing them but the radical nature of even attempting one. Hardcore. I like. But also, I went to the link and read about Lou Engle's heart for this season and I realized how much I yearn for that reality in my own life but also in the lives of those in America who have been messed up in some way because of the spirit of this age (which is pretty much everyone). Intimately connected with Engle's premise for this fast is an issue that is so very dear to my heart - a fatherless generation.

Personally:
Living in the "real world" (as some would call it), I am hit time and time again with how much we need a good and just Father - one who will not fail us like most fathers have of this generation. I say "most", not "all" because I know there are fathers out there who really have fathered their children well in this amoral world we live in. But there are so many that haven't. And it is the children of those unfortunate fathers that I speak of.

I did not grow up without a father, but had one who has several issues that prevent him from knowing how to function as a healthy father. So, I was not abused nor neglected, but I still bear the scars that marr our generation. Even without looking at my own life, I look around me and see children who are so desperate for attention, so unsure of themselves, self-haters. These are the ones I see who bear the mark of abandonment, neglect, abuse, high expectations, disappointment of their fathers.

The Cry:
It is for these that I will cry out in the next 40 days. It is for these that I will labor in fasting, weeping, and mourning, for these are my brothers and my sisters. These are the ones who so desperately need a Champion to fight for them. It is with Jesus that I will partner; the Champion of my life, and the only one who can truly take the ashes of the fatherless and turn them into infinite beauty.

Jesus, you see before you a blind and deaf generation, brought up to believe their lives are worthless and lacking. Would you come, O Champion, and fight for the hearts of your orphans, the wounded and broken who cannot even see their own pain. Would you come and claim what you died for and take a fatherless generation and give them the name, DESIRED.

Relentless

2007-05-22T07:08:00.001-06:00

I really like myself. Indubitably, I do! I was reading old blogs I've posted and realized how much I like my personality. Even on a day to day basis, I just sit back and enjoy myself. I love how I bring laughter to my friends. I love that little kids just smile back at me when I give them my big happy smile. I love not being formal and reveling in my indecorous tendencies. I love that I've been able to, in small ways, cultivate a child-like spirit within me, a trait that helps me enjoy the small moments of bliss that pop up during the day. I really like being me!

And there is a point to this other than giving myself props.

I say all this with the knowledge that I used to hate myself. I really didn't like any part of my personality, and I would spend countless days thinking negative thoughts such as: "I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm too self-critical. I'm not good enough to do this or cool enough to hang out with this person." I was a self-hater.

I know now that this is the very characteristic of humans that Jesus hates the most.

He hates it because He's so in love with us that He will not stand for our self-hatred. And that's the very thing that Jesus was on a warpath for in my heart the past few years. I remember when I was on staff at IHOP, the thing that people were praying for the most was to get the fear of the Lord. Well, I got on the bandwagon and wanted that, too, but as months went by, I never did receive much revelation of that character of God. You know why?

Jesus knew that I needed revelation of His Kindness and Mercy more.

I have a very self-critical nature, and so to go around beating myself up for everything was the very act that Jesus did not like. But instead of coming around and punishing me like humans expect those in authority to do to those they discipline, Jesus was relentless in His tenderness towards me. And I mean RELENTLESS. He did not let up, and He did not back down (He still hasn't). At every turn, for every sin I commited, when I went to go scourge myself for my lack of discipline or "love" for Him, He would gently stay my hand and pour out His mercy.

He is so kind. He is relentlessly kind. Kindness befits and enthrones our King.

And so, it is with great humility I say that I like myself. I've been on the other side. Hate is a devilish, fiendish companion, ripping up your insides until you are less than valuable in anyone's sight. It has only been the kindness of God that has taken me to a place of enjoyment of myself.

It is possible to like yourself without arrogance! It is possible to overcome the self-critical nature within all of us and become the Beauty that God intended us to be. I promise.

Jesus, would you come in and take hold of the self-hater in all of us and do battle with your sword of relentless kindness. Do what only You can do. Win our hearts.

Word of the day

2007-05-18T21:44:00.000-06:00

Obstreperous: adj - boisterously loud; obnoxiously vociferous.

I could not hear myself think over the obstreperous tumult swirling around me.

(I stole this word off a blog of a friend of a friend of a friend. I would give her props, but I don't know her and I think it's kinda creepy to talk about someone you don't know in your blog as if you do know them. :))

We Need the HOLY SPIRIT

2007-05-18T20:52:00.001-06:00

Heavens. That was a friggin long time in between blogs. I blame it on my job. My kids have never learned how to do a research paper, so I, being the foward-thinking, proactive planner that I am, decided to schedule their first lesson at the end of school. (please note the saracasm dripping off the previous sentence) Train wreck.

So, now, here I am, on a Friday night, having driven down to Waco to visit my wonderful Michelle and go to my cousin's wedding in Austin. Tra-la-la.

The point of this blog:
I've really been realizing over the past year the absolute necessity of the Holy Spirit. The past two years have really been the first years of my life that I have not been in some sort of bubble. In Waco, it was the "Baylor bubble". In KC, it was the "IHOP bubble". Now, it's just raw me. And I mean RAW. Good Lord! (He is, by the way)

Never, in my eight years since meeting the Holy Spirit have I been aware of how much flesh I really possess. I'm not talking the epidermis/dermis/subcutaneous layer flesh, but that sin nature that is so innate within me - the flesh that is in constant battle/contrast with the Spirit that lives within me. Consistently, within the past few months, I have not been meeting with Jesus with diligence and discipline. It's only been sporadic. This has primarily contributed to my increase in fleshly emotions and reactions toward the people around me. And it is with this malady in mind that I say, "We [meaning I] need the Holy Spirit!!!"

Now that I'm out of my aforementioned bubbles, I have come into contact with a different breed of Christian that I had met in my youth but have not spent substantial time with in all my years in the bubbles. These are the Christians who are aware of the Spirit, but have not met with Him intimately.

My theology

Let me explain my theology. I believe that when I became a Christian, I met with Jesus as my Savior for the first time (which, for me was when I was seven). However, the point of salvation is not the end all to my relationship with Jesus. It's only the jumping off point. True Christianity, in its authentic form, I believe, does not begin until the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Now, I know that sounds kind of absolutist and unswaying, but I'm speaking from experience, not based upon a teaching or doctrinal exegesis of some theologian. This is me speaking (well, with the Bible as my basis).

There are several places in the New Testament where it talks about the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and if I had actually spent the last few months consistently, on a disciplined basis reading the Word, I could probably tell you exactly where they are. I'll go back and add later.

Here's why I am writing with the necessity of the Holy Spirit as my premise. I have spent the past two years with Christians, who I believe and know to be followers of Jesus, in that they desire to please Him and whatnot. But these same believers who have been saved are constantly trying to change from their evil ways and coming up frustrated.

The example from my life

That used to be MY life. My freshman year of college, I met the Holy Spirit. Before that, I spent all my time trying and trying, singing my "shoulda, coulda, woulda"'s to no avail. I did not change much from the time I was seven until I was seventeen. It's been almost 8 years since I met the Holy Spirit, and I feel as if I've lived a thousand lifetimes in the amount of ways in which I have been changed and refined. The only defining factor that I can see that has changed me from being one of the ones who stay at the starting gate of salvation to being daily changed into the image of Jesus is the Holy Spirit.

When I met the Holy Spirit, I did not immediately start speaking in tongues like a lot of people think is the only way to get filled with the Spirit. My first reaction was intercession for the people in my History class at college. But that was the jumping off point. It was with the power of the Holy Spirit that I gained a heart for PEOPLE. That is the ONE TRAIT THAT I SEE LACKING IN THE CHURCH TODAY.

We do not love each other well.
Why not?! Because it is only with the power of the Holy Spirit that we can love each other. It takes God to love God and others. We cannot be the Bride of Jesus without love, and we cannot love without God. Why? Because we are inherently evil. Check out the story of Adam and Eve for that scripture reference. We are EVIL!!!! There is no good in us apart from Jesus. So, if we try to love, apart from the power of the Holy Spirit, then we will fail and/or the manifestations of what we think is love will be corrupt and, in turn, corrupt others' paradigms of what love is. It's a vicious, cyclical monster.

Moral of the Story: Get the Holy Spirit. If you don't know how, ask someone to pray for you to get the baptism of the Holy Spirit!

Story Time with Jesus, Story 2

2007-05-03T09:57:00.000-06:00

I loved my freshman year of college. I think it was my favorite year of college. It was the year that I fell in love with Jesus. When I was seven, I asked Jesus into my heart, and I had a relationship with Him in jr. high and high school, but He was only a part of my life; He wasn't my whole life. So, in August of 1999, I set off for Baylor University in Waco, Texas, to begin my college years. It was there that I met a girl, Michelle, and her church, Antioch Community Church, that showed me that there was more to Jesus than who I had currently known Him as. I got filled with the Spirit for the first time in September, and it was then that Jesus and I really started to get to know each other.

Well, that was just the prologue. I had to set up the setting of the story. This story is about my first experience with what a lot of Christians call "travail", but can less eloquently be called, "crying-till-your-eyes-hurt intercession".

This was an interesting event in my life. I had never heard of intercession (praying on behalf of someone), and no one I knew at college had ever labeled it that. Oh, we interceded for people all the time, but we never really delineated that there are several types of prayer, intercession being only one of them. So, on October 31st, our church drove down to Austin for a Halloween outreach on one of the most frequented streets of Austin - 6th street. It's an amazing site to behold there on the 31st. Thousands of people dress up in a variety of costumes and "parade" (or you could say, trudge drunkenly) up and down the street. Our form of street evangelism was to set up on a side street in groups of 20-30 people and do three things: worship to invite the Holy Spirit, do several dramas set to music (which I particularly loved - the people who made the dramas were especially creative), and talk/pray with people who pass by. I'm not so much a street evangelist, but it was fun!

Anyway, so I and some friends had talked to a guy, Jonathan, about Jesus, and I was really moved by His devotion to search out spiritual things, even though he was ultimately misguided (although now thinking about it, I'm not all that impressed cause I know he was a completely deceived guy and his unerrant zeal to go after things was probably a result of having a radically single-minded personality). So, at the next home group, we shared our experiences with the group and with those who didn't go.

So, I start talking about Jonathan and how talking with him had really affected me. As I near the end of saying my two cents, I'm crying and have this huge urge to weep really hard. And it doesn't go away through the rest of the testimonies. Finally, at the end, I just let it ALL out and cry uncontrollably, except then, I'm not just crying for Jonathan; now I'm crying for the whole world who doesn't know Jesus. This was such a weird experience for me because it was the first time that I was just crying out for PEOPLE in general, and not someone specifically.

Anyway, it was also funny the responses of the people around me toward my weeping. One girl took it upon herself to comfort me - which was funny! There was nothing wrong with me! If you've ever been in a community of people who is not familiar with intercession in the form of "travail", you'll get that a lot. I did that several times over the 4 years of my college life; no one understood why I was crying, and I got a lot of sympathetic pats on the back. It wasn't until I got to IHOP the I realized I wasn't the only person crying in travail. At IHOP, practically EVERYONE did it. So, whenever I would go into a bout of travail, everyone would just leave me alone and let me cry cause they knew what was happening to me.

But bless those who didn't understand me. May they all experience the joy of travail at some point in their life!

Yum. I love me some intercession!

Bridgette Revisited

2007-05-03T09:33:00.000-06:00

So, in honor of the week of Bridgette, I give you my favorite part of Bridgette - uh, well, I guess I can't give you one favorite part cause there's so many things. But I will highlight one fact: If you are her friend, she has this wicked-good memory of all the things you like and dislike. It's interesting where that information she's tucked away pops up. I know that always makes each person she knows feel special (and she knows a lot of people!!)

So, if you know Bridgette, wish her a happy birthday!

Week o' Bridgette

2007-05-01T09:40:00.000-06:00

Yeah, uh, I couldn't fix this pic. Sorry. . .

On May 5th, 1983, an incredibly special person was born: Bridgette Nicole Millar. So, since this is the week of her birth, I have decided to devote several blogs to her honor (and share fun stories).

Bridgette is one of my favorite people in the world. We met the first day of my Onething Internship in July of 2003 (wow, that sounds like a long time ago!). She and her awesome mom were already setting up Bridgette's stuff in our apartment when I was introduced to her. From that moment, I had a funny feeling that she would change my life. And she did!

One of things I love most about Bridgette is her confidence. She uncannily confident. In everything she does. I think some people tend to view her confidence as pride, but it's really not. She just knows who she is and knows how to work it! So, if any of my friends are reading this, click on her name on my blogroll to the left and go wish her a happy birthday!

I love you Bridgette!

Story Time with Jesus - Story 1

2007-05-01T08:48:00.000-06:00

I was reminiscing about my freshman year of college when I first met the Holy Spirit and my relationship with Jesus took a dive into the depths. There was one event in particular that sticks out to me because it was a fun part of my history in God, and it really has endeared the "foolish" things of the Holy Spirit to me (probably b/c I'm so foolish and not a fan of decorum).

When I first entered my freshan year, the Passion worship "movement" (the one with Dave Crowder), or whatever it was, was first sweeping the nation. That year there were a plethora of concerts that were held across the country, the important one in this story being in Austin, TX. It was only a month or so into fall semester and I had made a friend whose friends had tickets to the concert, so I ended up going along. It was funny the dichotomy between the painfulness of the actual trip there and back, and the beauty/endearing nature of the actual concert. The two guys that my friend, Crystal, and I went with were just full of themselves and selfish. One the way back from the concert, after I've expended all my energy weeping profusely and wiping snot off my face, one of the guys decides he needs to go to a hotel to meet this hot girl he had met and talk to her for hours into the already deepening night while we wait, exhausted and bored.

But the concert made up for any of the bad memories.

I love worship. I have always loved it. It speaks to my heart often times more than a really good sermon. So, the concert consisted of most of the Passion worship leaders of the time (although I can't remember any but Crowder at the moment) and we were in the nose-bleed section, but enjoying worshipping all the same. In the middle of a song, my mouth just starts moving and all I can say is, "Jesus", over and over again. Now, I had only just been introduced to the things of the Spirit and had really had no actual experience with the Holy Spirit when this happened. I thought maybe I was speaking in tongues, but I was saying "Jesus", not words I couldn't understand. Anyway, in the midst of this "foolishness", I was crying because the immensity of the love of Jesus I was feeling - also another experience I had hardly ever experienced in that capacity.

In the midst, there was kind of a "selah" instrumental time and then this guy, who was above me in the Nosebleed Plus section, started crying out, "Holy, holy, holy", over and over again, which, of course, just made me cry more. Needless to say, after the concert, even though we had to go see the retarded guy's girlfriend, I was on a high. Love was all around me. It was beautiful and glorious.

postscript: I did find out later that I was not alone in my weird "tongue-moving" experience. My college pastor, much later, told us a story where he experienced the same thing. Perhaps this phenomenon has an actual name, like crying in intercession being called "travail", but I don't know what it is. I didn't get my prayer language until that next April.

I think this will become a series on my blog. I love when people share their own experience with Jesus. It helps me understand them more and enjoy them all the better! :) Write your own. . .

Tasks=Stress

2007-04-30T13:46:00.000-06:00

I just want to give a shout out to non-task-oriented people. I am definitely a NTO person, which is synonymous with people-oriented. Give me a group of people any ole' day to having to accomplish tasks with great alacrity and precision. I can do it. I'm thorough. But it stresses me out more than anything.

The problem is, I think, my innate ability to lead, or more specifically, ability to step up the the plate when no one else will. I don't want to. But I can. For instance: I have a field trip coming up that I'm going on with another teacher. I'm the one who came up with the idea (yeah, my creativity makes for lots of tasks, too), so obviously I'm the one who needs to take charge and put it together. I DON'T WANNA! I just want to delegate all the tasks, but then the people-pleasing comes out in me and thinks, "No one's gonna want to do all this!" So, I just do it. And then I get stressed. And then I get worn out. And then, when my principal/mom gives me other things I need to get done by the end of the week, I just collapse and whine. And whining is soooooo unattractive (although I'm still cute when I do it :) ).

Just give me people to deal with, yo!

So, here's to all the people who would rather hang out than get things accomplished!

Erroneous Suppositions

2007-04-26T13:46:00.000-06:00

OK, I just finished an incredibly long application for a Christian school in Dallas. I thought I could share one of my very profound answers to their query. Enjoy the verbosity.

What do you believe about the origin of the earth and mankind? I believe God is omnipotent and therefore able to create the earth in six days. One of the reasons I believe skeptics, even skeptics who are Christians, doubt the theory of creation is the illogical nature of an entire world being created in only six days – something our finite minds struggle to grasp. Evolution would, in fact, make more sense logically. However, I believe Christians are not often taught the true character of God – how immeasurable is His omnipotence, omniscience, and omni-presence which, when not understood, elicits erroneous suppositions of God’s lack of ability or simply, humanistic suppositions of our ability to slowly evolve. What it comes down to is belief – is the God of your experience One who can create in a day or who simply denies His innate power and leaves it up to us?

Coffee and Cream

2007-04-19T07:05:00.000-06:00

Funny story for the day. . .
I hate having to get gas. I really do! It has nothing to do with gas prices being astronomical but simply because it's just one more chore I hate doing. I always drive my car until the empty light dings, and sometimes after that, I still keep driving. A habit that proved to be detrimental to the smooth running of my life yesterday.

For the past 2 or 3 days, my car has been on empty. The light dinged and everything. But like a smart person, did I go and fill up my tank? Well, the aforementioned facts about myself should give you the answer.

So, I get in my car after school yesterday to drive off to babysit for a friend and I pull out, but brake to go get something, and my car dies. Not a good sign. Unfortunately, I make the mistake of telling my plan-ahead-for-every-possible-detail mother, and she gets irritated and upset with me - which I hate. So, I quickly bypass her and ask Kaydene, my dear friend (who has beautiful chocolate skin, a fact that is important to remember later in the story) who also possesses the lack-of-planning gene (although I don't think she'd be stupid enough to not go get gas) and ask her to follow me to the gas station in case my car dies.

Well, I proceed to quickly leave since my car is running and ask her to catch up with me. I'm praying the whole time, asking for mercy for my idiot ideas and drive quickly down the road. My fear is getting stuck at the light down the road and causing a roadblock. Well, Jesus comes through with his mercy and affords me that small token. But do I make it to the gas station?

As I am turning the corner, my poor car starts huffing and puffing, and there, right in the middle of a turning lane, in between 4 lanes, with no median, my car dies.

A person could react 2 different ways with this unfortunate circumstance. Cry. Or laugh uproariously until your sides hurt. And so, I found myself sitting in a hot car, vehicles swooshing by me at rapid speeds, and my sides hurting from laughing at myself. It really was funny.

Meanwhile, Kaydene has not made it to me yet, so I call her and relay to her my plight (between guffaws). She, who is a thinker, remembers the landscapers at our school doing the yardwork and ingeniusly considers that they would most likely have gas cans to refuel their equipment.
And here's the part of the story that really endears me to my beloved friend - not because she's so sweet and wonderful, but because in the middle of plotting to get a gas can, she proudly recognized the fact that she is an attractive girl and probably has a greater chance of getting a gas can from one of the workers, who does not know her or if she will even bring the can back, if she flirts and looks cute. THEN, she proceeds to lecture me about how I need to be taught the art of flirting to get things.

And here I am sitting out in the middle of the road. Waiting patiently.

Kaydene finally gets the gas can (I guess flirting really does work) and quickly takes flight to come to my rescue. In that interim time of waiting, I just have to mention, as I was sitting there, not one, but two of my coworkers drive by my stalled car.

Can we say, "duck!"? Yes, they do not see me. AND, the friend I'm supposed to be babysitting for calls and ask if I was on my way, and I simply reply, "Yeah, I'll be there soon. I have to stop for gas."

Finally, the gas can is finally at my car, and we finally give fuel to my tank, praying that I'll make it to the gas station, and Kaydene makes one final comment that I will leave you with: Jesus sure is taking care of us. Here we are, some coffee and cream, where just anyone could come drink us up.

And that, my friends, is the story of the creamy non-planner, and the coffee-skinned flirt. :)

Bunny Trails

2007-04-12T07:27:00.000-06:00

I love personality tests! I do! I really do.
I was with Charity this past weekend in Oklahoma City, and she told me abou the Myer-Briggs test, that I absolutely love.
I think you should go take it and then tell me what you are.
I would link somewhere the test, but I don't know how, so here's the website: www.humanmetrics.com
And, if you go to www.personalitypage.com, it will tell you more about your 4 letter ingredients.
I'm a ESFP.
Charity and I tried to figure me out and came out with ENFP, but we were wrong. I looked at what my personality profile says about me and it describe me perfectly.

Bunny trail. . .

So, I babysat for my friend's kids - 2 twin boys (sooooo cute!), and I had an absolute blast. But then I discovered how much of a "sensory" person I am - meaning, living in the now instead of thinking ahead.

I decide that we should go to the park to ride bikes, so in preparation, I bring clothes to change into after school - gauchos and my flip-flops, thinking, "oh, I can ride a bike in that!" Then, I get to my friend's house and decide it would be too much trouble to fit 3 bikes in my car, so I decide not to ride. BAD IDEA!
These kids are not even on real bikes, and I let them out, only to discover that they're like some breed of speedy gonzalez in tiny bodies. These dudes were fast! Which presented a problem for me:
Wearing gauchos and flip-flops are not conducive to chasing after speed demons!
First, I start running and my pants start slipping down my legs - extremely indecorous! Then, I'm trying to give one of the boys a jump start, when I trip over my flip-flop and reinjure an injury I've had on my foot.
Just call me Super Mom.

Then, we get back to their house and I'm supposed to cook them macaroni and cheese. Easy enough, you say, but I go to read the directions and realize I don't remember my measurements! I'm 'tarded. But, being the intelligent person (ironically, the opposite of 'tarded) I am, I winged it and made a mean pot of mac and cheese.

So, moral of the story.

I might need to take some lessons in the practicals of mothering before I actually become one. :)

My VERY LARGE class

2007-04-11T13:06:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd give a window into my life. These are the kids I teach. I guess you could call me more of a tutor than a teacher, since there's only 5 kids, but whatever.

Meditative Musings

2007-04-10T14:19:00.000-06:00

I randomly found this booklet, by Clarence Enzler, that has these amazing meditative prayers: from Jesus to us, and to Jesus from us. Here is one to stop and consider.

Jesus Speaks:

The God who made the universe,
and holds it in existence
by His will alone,
becomes a man, too weak to bear
a piece of timber's weight.

How human in His weakness is the Son of God.

My Father willed it thus.
I could not be your model otherwise.

If you would be my other self,
you also must accept without complaint
your human frailties.

I reply:

Lord Jesus, how can I refuse?

I willingly accept my weaknesses,
my irritation and my moods,
my headaches and fatigue,
all my defects of body, mind, and soul.

Because they are Your will for me,
these "handicaps" of my humanity,
I gladly suffer them.

Make me content with all my discontents,
but give me strength to struggle after You.

Selah.

Charity Bates rocks my face off!! (this is not my face. . .)

2007-04-10T07:42:00.001-06:00

I just had to entitle at least one blog with the name of one of my favorite people in the world.
Yeah, that's it.
I got nothin' else.

I Hate Bugs

2007-04-04T10:04:00.000-06:00

I realize bugs are useful to the greater common good, but seriously. In the spring in Texas comes the infestation of irritating bugs that don't seem to serve any purpose other than to cause me much frustration and illicit random shouts of, "why me?!!"

So, the first bugs to come out were these bouncy, ostensibly blind dragonfly-kind-of-things (don't you like my scientific classification?) that infested the school's grassy areas. Whenever a kid would run through the grass, this horde of flying things would raise up in one accord and presume upon our persons in a most invading way. Then, I go home to my apartment, and what do I find? The flying things flitting around my door saying, "Welcome home, weary worker. Enter at your own peril."

Then, to further abase my general happiness, the junebugs sprouted from their grub-wormed state and alighted in the dark of night to blindly run into and wreak gesticulating havoc on anyone in their general area. I hate junebugs! I know they're harmless, but I just can't stand bugs alighting upon me without my permission.

But, alas, spring is indeed written upon the land called Texas in a flourishing and wildly colorful manner. Welcome back, intense and penetrating heat!

Oh, how I long for my stint in Texas to be over.

Do you think since Jesus will be the light instead of the sun when He brings his kingdom down, that His intensly penetrating rays will emit such hot temperatures such as the sun does? Could we war in the spirit for California-style temperatures in the Millenial Kingdom? That would make for an interesting premise for an intercession set.

Extemporaneous Thoughts on Church

2007-04-02T10:34:00.000-06:00

So, I finally went to church yesterday, after months of absence. I know this sounds like a befuddling concept that I, a lover of Jesus, just went to church yesterday after not doing so for many months, instead of saying, "So, when I went to church yesterday, which I do every week. . ." However, the fact remains. I've had this internal debate raging in me for the entire 18 months that I've been back in Texas (although most days I can significantly squelch it) about church. The two churches I've been to in the past have radically changed my ideas of the point of church.

I know most "Christians" today exemplify their proof of being one by saying, "yeah, I go to church". But I would heartily disagree that this is the primary proof of a life hidden in Jesus. Hardly and by no means! Verily doth I say nay! However, being in what I would call a "religious" state (not of being, but as in, the United "States") would seem to indoctrinate most of the followers of Jesus with the simple, yet indubidably false view that being a good Christian is equivalent with attendance at your local church.

Please, someone tell me where the idea came from that being a Christian is synonymous with going to church!!!!!

Now, on the flip side, I have, in the past 18 months, spent a significant amount of time being away from church, and I am no exponentially aware of a person's need for church, or, more specifically, a person's need for community and fellowship. And therein lies my definition of church -

"They devoted THEMSELVES to the apostles' teaching [which must have been about Jesus more that how to live a happy life] and to the FELLOWSHIP, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. EVERYONE was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous sings were done by the apostles. ALL the believers were TOGETHER and had everything in common. . ." Acts 2:42-43

I believe church is primarily intended for community and fellowship with other believers - not just hanging out eating, but in prayer, worship, teaching, communion, sharing possessions, etc. . . So, when my very well-intended friends/family share their concern for me not going to church, it is with this theology as my foundation that I roll my eyes and say, "I know, I know."

Why do I not like going to church? Primarily, the several churches I have attended since I've been back, though I do agree with them theologically in their doctrine, do not preach Jesus, explicitly. My beef is with the content of the sermons. Of the 3 churches I attended, consecutively, 2 of the three preached about tithing. I have nothing against preaching about that; it's needed. But where was Jesus? His attributes? His character?

Paul wrote: "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power." (I Cor 2:2-5)

So, not hearing Jesus preached is my primary reason for being reluctant to go to church. Secondarily, and much less important - are there no churches that like to have church at night? Why must I wake up early in the morning to go to church when all I do is fall asleep during the sermon cause I'm so tired! Where are the Spirit-filled churches in TX that meet at night?! (yes, I know this is a spoiled American attitude, but I'm just being honest.)

In summation, though I do not like church, I did, in fact, go yesterday. I happened to find a church that had an evening service. However, the service was only worship followed by "fellowship", which would be great, if I knew anyone. However, the worship was quite wonderful and I met Jesus in the throneroom (sidenote: it really helps to memorize verses. I had my kids memorize Rev. 4 and we ended up singing a song about it, so I was able to visualize what was going on). Good times. I don't know if I'll go back cause I would kind of like to go to a service that is both worship and a sermon. However, by my high standards, I know I'm asking a lot.

A Cyclical Vortex

2007-03-30T08:51:00.000-06:00

I'm constantly amazed by how much you can learn just going through a verse and using a dictionary - not even a Greek/Hebrew concordance - to increase understanding. So, I've been going phrase by phrase through Phil 1:9 with my kids in class and finally finished through "depth of insight". We defined the words and then came up with our own phrases. I was quite impressed with how well they did.

Phrases they came up with:
extent of discovery
depth of knowledge
deepness of understanding
range of experience
reach of discovery
range of light
extent of understanding
profoundess of judgement

So, I came up with this re-wording summation:

And this I pray, that your love will increase in experiential wisdom and range of understanding/increased revelation. (suddenly I find myself sounding like the Amplified Bible)

I need this increase of fruitfulness in my life. I want to love much and well. I think the one thing that could increase more in a place of barren lack in my life is fellowship with other lovers of Jesus. I desire to go to church and walk with others, but I have this horrible ostensibly inability to get up and do things of this nature on my own - which creates its own cyclical vortex cause I can't have help doing things if I don't go and get with community :) Boo.

I'm Selfish

2007-03-23T10:21:00.000-06:00

I would just like to say that there are perks to being a teacher. I use my kids for my own gain. Selfish? No, not really.

Since I have decided that I'm going to make Phil 1:9-11 my verse for the year, I wanted to explicate its depth and richness. However, since Monday, I have not created time in which to delve into the deep riches, so I made my kids do it today with me. Instead of a Bible lesson from my curriculum, which is pretty good but somewhat boring, I taught them how to go phrase by phrase and pick apart the meaning of this apostolic prayer. We didn't get very far, but it was surely fun for me. I'm planning on doing this every Friday. :)

Also, in the past, I have been picking out verses that are applicable to the lesson being taught, but then I got bored with the verses the curriculum was picking out, so I veered off and picked my own verses. Currently, we are memorizing the entire chapter 4 of Revelation. Last year I got bored and decided to memorize the entire chapter of Isaiah 53, which I deftly planned to finish on the week of Easter.

So, when I say I am selfish and use my children to my own gain, it's all in the realm of scripture. I know eventually they will come to appreciate the word of Jesus for more than just fun Bible stories, but in the meantime, I plan to memorize the scripture that I really want to memorize as well as opening up their theology out of the box that modern protestant denominational doctrines have put God in, and, subsequently, put their hearts in.

I left IHOP and came to teach here with zeal in my heart to disciple these kids into the knowledge of God, but what really has happened is that I've been schooled! By teaching them some of what I've learned and am learning, instead of transforming their ideas, I've rooted and grounded my own more than I think I've been changing theirs.

Still More and More

2007-03-22T09:08:00.000-06:00

I was inspired by my dear friend, Charity Bates, to dub Philippians 1:9-11 as my verse for this new year of my life. Monday, the 19th was my birthday, and I have decided to follow a new tradition. I'm going to pick a verse for each year of my life to stand as a testimony of where I want my life to go in the next year. So, here it is:

“And this is pray, that your love may abound still more and more, in knowledge and depth of insight. That you may approve the things that are excellent and be sincere and without offense until the day of Christ Jesus, being filled with thefruits of righteousness.”

My life verse that encompasses the whole of my being is expressed in this beautific prose:

That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
Philippians 3:10-11

However, I really want to love more deeply and intensely this year. I feel like last year I was simply running the race and cultivating faith by racing blind, clinging to Jesus. This 26th year of my life I want to run with purpose, going deeper in love in every aspect - loving Jesus, myself, and others, with knowledge and depth of insight, unto knowledge of what is excellent and living without offense of the movements of a Jesus in my life. I want the cross in my life because I know that I cannot love unless I first die.

Jesus, make me yours.

Ode to the Airport

2007-03-12T11:39:00.000-06:00

Oh, airport, so fair, so fain,
My heart is tired of thee.
I see these people walking around
As if on a traveling spree.
Yet here I sit, standby awaiting,
Hoping for the suddenly of God.
Airline attendants say heartily, "no" -
My faith grasping, writhing, longing for yes!
Oh! My head is starting to nod.

Though I lack greatly in the ability to create a rhythm to my prose, I just want to give a shout out to those who are, have, or ever will, fly on standby during one of the busiest flying seasons of the year.

Have fun on spring break, all you who have a plane ticket!

V is for Verbosity (and apparently, a whole bunch of other things)

2007-03-10T13:57:00.000-06:00

I rented this movie a few weeks ago called, V is for Vendetta, and I was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. Granted, it had violence in it, but I LOVED the main character that simply called himself, V. Upon self-introduction to the adjacent main character, Natalie Portman, he engaged in the most delicious monologue I have ever happened upon. I would just like to high-5 the writers of this monolific masterpiece. So, I leave you with the following. . .

". . . suggest the character of this dramatis persona. . . Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes [def. - good or bad fortune] of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity is a vestige of the vox populi [def. - voice of the people], now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified [def. - having given life] and has vowed to vanquish these venal [def. - corrupt] and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengance, a vendetta held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise [def. - a type of thick soup] of verbiage veers most verbose."

Hooray for words!

Authentic Joy

2007-03-09T14:29:00.000-06:00

When I was in Santa Fe, there was this beautiful cathedral called the St. Francis Cathedral Basilica. Maybe if I can learn how to be techno savvy, I can post some pics for you to peruse. I found a book called, St. Francis and the Cross, and I found my favorite quote about joy. When I was in my internship, I heard Allen Hood quote this in his sermon, and I've forever loved it since. It's long, so sit back and relax. . .

St. Francis called to Brother Leo, who was walking a bit ahead of him, and
he said, 'Brother Leo, even if the Friars Minor in every country give a great example of holiness and integrity and good edification, nevertheless write down and note carefully that perfect joy is not in that.'
And when he had walked on a bit, St. Francis called him again, saying, 'Brother Leo, even if a Friar Minor gives sight to the blind, heals the paralyzed, drives out devils,
gives hearing back to the deaf, makes the lame walk, and restores speech to the
dumb, and what is still more, brings life a man who has been dead four days,
write that perfect joy is not in that.'
[. . .] And going on a bit father, St. Francis called again strongly: 'Brother Leo, even if
a Friar Minor could preach so well that he should convert all infidels to the
faith of Christ, write down that perfect joy is not there.'
Now when he had been talking this way for a distance of two miles, Brother Leo in great amazement asked him, 'Father, I beg you in God's name to tell me where perfect joy is.'
And St. Francis replied, 'When we come to St. Mary of the Angels, soaked by the rain and frozen by the cold, all soiled with mud and suffering from hunger, and we ring at the gate of the Place and the brother porter comes and says angrily, "Who are
you?" And we say, "We are two of your brothers." And he contradicts us, saying, "You are not telling the truth. Rather you are two rascals who go around deceiving people and stealing what they give to the poor. Go away!" And he does not open for us, but makes us stand outside in the snow and rain, cold and hungry, until night falls - then if we endure all those insults and cruel rebuffs patiently, without being troubled and without complaining, and if we reflect humbly and charitably that the porter really knows us and that God makes him speak against us, oh, Brother Leo, write that perfect joy is there!'
. . . if we endure all those evils and insults and blows with joy and patience, reflecting that we must accept and bear the sufferings of the blessed Christ patiently for love of Him, oh, Brother Leo, write: that is perfect joy!'"

In the midst of our hedonistic, narcissistic culture I think we've distorted our idea of true joy, just as we've tainted ultimate love to be equivalent to sex. I want the kind of joy that St. Francis expounds upon. I want to glory in the sufferings that come my way, that I might be conformed into the image of my Beloved. I know that is my lot - it's what my name means, "Christ-bearer".

Jesus, conform me into your image that I might have the manifest Emmanuel living deep within me. I want true reality, not the obdurate subterfuge of society that refuses to look to You to be set free from their pain enough to be genuine. Save us, Jesus, from ourselves.

Kristine

Verbosity and Loquaciousness

2007-03-07T21:25:00.000-06:00

The truth is out. I do indeed have a love relationship with words. It really is something I picked up when I was in KC spending so much time with Jesus. I've always had a bunch of words swimming around in my head, but it wasn't until the PR that I actually started using them. AND. . . it now gives me actual butterfly-feelings in my tummy when I hear a good word (not the kind of butterflies that occur when you see a boy you like. This is of a different species. Perhaps a sort of doppelganger like a viceroy is to a monarch) So, I now put before you three of my favorite words - though, indubitably there will be more:

neologism - n. - (ok, here's where the teacher in me comes. I'm not gonna tell you the definition - you get to figure it out looking at the Greek base words and the context in the proceeding sentences)
neo = new
logos = word
A plethora of neologisms abound at IHOP: nightwatcher, IHOPer, wordcast, war-in-the-spirit, and the Bridal Paradigm, just to name a few (please feel free to add your own on the comments page).
ostensibly - adv - represented or appearing as such
Ostensibly, he wanted to know the way to heaven, but he really just wanted to know how he could save himself from suffering.
It was an ostensible act that in truth spoke more of pride than its intended humility.
vituperative - adj - using, containing, or marked by harshly abusive censure (I'm not too hot on the preceeding word's definition, but I just love saying the word - it doesn't just cop out and roll off the tongue; it makes your tongue work for it!)
The professor's criticism of my paper was more vituperative than constructive.
There was a feeling of pharasitical vituperativeness to the accusations brought forth indicting the adulterous woman.
A day in the life of an Egyptian Israelite consisted of harsh laboring and vituperatively hurled insults visited upon their person.
I LOVE WORDS. I think this will be a common blog that you will begin to find on my page. PLEASE, feel free to add your own words to the comments page or, even better, add this sort of loquacious blogging to your own page. My joy, though not being made fully complete, will be duly added to.
Kristine

Dreaming Big Addendum

2007-03-05T17:26:00.000-06:00

So I realized one of the reasons I didn't like the previously talked about pastor (or at least his sermon topic) was because he was not doing the following (which I find is a vital component of all Jesus-based messages):

"Perhaps the main task of the minister is to prevent people from suffering for the wrong reasons. Many people suffer because of the false supposition on which they have based their lives. That supposition is that there should be no fear or loneliness, no confusion or doubt. But these sufferings can only be dealt with creatively when they are understood as wounds integral to our human condition. Therefore ministry is a very confronting service [which I might add there was not confronting going on in that sermon]. It does not allow people to live with the illusion of immortality or wholeness. It keeps reminding others that they are mortal and broken, but also with the recognition of this, liberation starts."
Henri Nouwen
I love Henri Nouwen. I'm not sure which book of his this comes from, but if anyone reading knows, let me know. Anyway, this quote I heard today exemplifies my supposition that dreams cannot be built unless God is in them, and we cannot know God unless we search Him out and search ourselves out with the tool of humility and brokenness.
Nuf said. . .

Kristine

The Basis for Dreaming Big

2007-03-04T22:19:00.000-06:00

This week I have the priviledge of taking a roadtrip with my mom to Santa Fe, NM, to a conference for educational administrators. I, however, am only a lowly teacher, but I tagged along to get out of school and travel, which I love to do.

So, with the scene thus set, I turned on the TV in our hotel room this morning and we watched a church service of a fairly world-renowned preacher from TX. In the past, I have not had a favorable impression of this guy, even though I know he is reaching millions and Jesus has given him favor. All well and good. Personally, I have issues with people that name their ministries after themselves, which this guy does. To me, loving Jesus and, in turn, loving others with Him in ministry should not be about us, but Jesus. And, I really hate books that people write (such as he) that include "steps" to some sort of state-of-being with God. Anyway, that's not the point of this musing - it's kind of an insignificant factor anyway 'cause God's big enough to work through people with an ostensibly big head. :)

The beef I did have with the guy was his sermon topic. Don't allow Critical Voices to Steal your Dreams. Now, ostensibly (once again), that's a good topic, but what I was hearing from him made me not like it. The premise of his sermon was encouragement to dream big even though you may get criticized for it. He went on to site several examples from the Bible, Jesus being one of them (which I think would be a good idea to quote Jesus if you're a Christian preacher) about how you need to let your actions do the talking. So if someone is criticizing you, don't fight back with your words, but with your actions. Now, that sounds all well and good, but it got me to thinking.

It seems to me that the preacher had an empty platform on which to base his premise. Where are these dreams coming from? Exs. Is it your life's dream to become wealthier than Bill Gates and Donal Trump combined? Is it your dream to see your colleagues crushed as you climb the ladder of success? He didn't seem to mention that dreams need to line up with the heart of Jesus. Pondering this made me think of Psalm 37:4 that says:
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My interpretation of that scripture is that when you cultivate intimacy with Jesus and desire to walk according to His will, that He will actually download desires in your heart, or the previous desires that you've had will align with His because you want to be where He is and do what He does. So, my problem with that message is that the preacher didn't mention the motivations of the heart and aligning them with Jesus. I'm all for going after your dreams (especially my friends who have decided to "waste" their life in a prayer room in an obscure midwest town (I love you Chi, Molly, and Katty).

Apparently, my beef with most churches is that they get off on these sermons that seem to be for our "betterment" but fail to talk about Jesus in the process. This preacher used Jesus as an example of what he was talking about, not as the source of his ideas. When will we come back to Paul's cry of "For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified." (1 Cor 2:2) I want Jesus, not the fluff of how to better myself. I will better myself when I know Jesus more.

Jesus, take your American church back to the roots of what the point of church really is - to know you. Come break off the lethargy of pastor's to conform to the happy, peaceful, prosperous messages that people want to hear. We need a revival of hearts to be stirred for the things of You! Awake us, Jesus. And let me not just be a speaker of criticism without reality within me of Truth.

Ruination

2007-03-03T16:31:00.000-06:00

I really am not quite sure why have not discovered this avenue of writing until now. I do have to give credit to my beloved Chi Beta for revealing this whole new realm of wordy goodness. I've been reading all my friends' blogs and friends' friends' blogs, almost to the point of not getting any work done and I have fallen in love with this world.
If you are an IHOPer, please keep writing blogs; I have so enjoyed pouring over the hours of ideas that have come from your meditations and revelations. I, personally, would consider myself an adjunct IHOPer, having been on staff there in the past for 2 1/2 years of my life. I can never really get enough of the heart of what comes out of that place - considering the heart of Jesus is made known above anything else.
My journey has veered away from a permanent residence in KC, but I can safely say my heart is truly ruined (which, I guess is now kind of a cliche word, but nonetheless. . .) for the same old way of knowing Jesus. In Texas, where I live, and I'm sure many other places besides, view "Christianity" as something intricately linked to going to church and "sharing your faith". Well, my problem is, I'm kind of sick of "church" as most people know it, and after having realized that the INFINITE God is incomprehensible, "sharing my faith" takes on a whole new set of problems. Going to church in spite of the fact that most of the Christians I meet don't understand my heart is one thing, but telling others about a Man who I barely even know is something completely different.
I know I do that the short amount of time I was at IHOP and in the preceding and proceding years I have cultivated a depth of intimacy with Jesus, but merely going out to share my relationship with just anyone just cause I feel coerced into doing it because that's what I'm "supposed" to do is crap. I do desperately want people to know Jesus. It seems to me that people in this state (of Texas, not being) have generally been burned by "religion" and are sick of all the religious rules they feel have been placed on them, when it has nothing to do with rules.
I go back to the book of Acts and read how the disciples and people of the early church walked into a city and the power of God caused conviction in hearts. That's what people need. They need the Holy Spirit, but my feeling is that many of the southern churches have taken out the Holy Spirit because of the weird things they've seen happen in the "charismatic" churches.
Of course, there are exceptions to this blanket that I am laying over the south, however, I know from my own experience that my observations and convictions are not entirely unfounded. MY problem is my aforementioned ruination. I don't feel like I fit in anymore to "the church", and for a complete extrovert like me, that is quite a conundrum. In the 1 1/2 years I've been away from KC, I've spent more lonely hours by myself than I think I ever have in my life. I guess the problem as well as been what I've done with those lonely hours. I know I haven't used them to be with Jesus, as a whole. I think I've also watched more movies in the past 1 1/2 years than at any point of my life. It was that whole turning to entertainment thing.
So, I do realize the absolute necessity of being with a body of believers. I know I am missing out on a spiritual blessing from not doing that, and yet, in my angst, I've persisted in solitude. But I hope this blog will be a source of expression for me and keep me accountable to logging what I've learned from my own personal meditations. I don't really have a huge expectation of anyone reading this, other than my friends, but who knows.

Jesus, we need the knowledge of God in this country. In an ostensibly powerful country of the US, we really have no power. Would you come and tear down the strongholds of independence and religion and bring us back to the simplicity of communion with your Spirit. Open our darkened eyes and show us who you truly are. Reality. We need reality deep within us. Especially me.